A Collection of Lovecraftian Limericks
by
G. W. Thomas



THE CALL OF CTHULHU
There once was a being named Cthulhu
Who practiced black sorcery and voo-doo,
If you heard his call
You weren't in for a ball,
In fact, you'd be in a lot of poo-poo.

COLD PRINT
Once a man wrote stories of Glaaki,
Published them before he was twenty,
Derleth did gamble,
On this John Campbell,
Though now he's known only as Ramsey.
  

LONG DISTANCE
In "The Statement of Carter" we've read,
Of brain-blasting and ultimate dread,
How Randolph did hear,
With the phone to his ear,
"You fool, Warren is dead!"
  

NECRONOMICON
There once was a scribe named Alhazred,
Who wrote about that which we most dread,
In a couplet it does say,
About a place called R'lyeh,
And in another about Death being dead.

OH, YOU DIRTY RAT!
This Arkham familiar, no cat!
Nor ferret, nor paddock, nor bat,
Brown Jenkin was odd,
His mother a broad,
But his father was definitely a rat.
  

THE OUTER ONES
The fungus who Akeley would daunt,
The Himilayas they are said to haunt,
The Mi-Go will go,
Wherever there's snow,
And they're especially fond of Vermont.

POSTHUMOUS COLLABORATIONS
There once was an editor named Derleth,
Who wrote and rewrote of Yuggoth,
He continued on,
When Lovecraft was gone,
Though these tales stink like a shoggoth.
  

THE STRENGTH TO DREAM
C. Wilson, a critic, did moan,
Of Lovecraft, in a negative tone,
"It stinks to the letter."
Derleth said, "Do better."
So C. wrote The Philosopher's Stone.
  

WEIRD TALES
There once was an editor named Wright,
Whose writers were talented and bright,
But Robert E. took his life,
Howard died without his wife,
And Clark just gave it up one night.
  

G. W. Thomas lives in Central British Columbia. His work has appeared in
WRITER'S DIGEST and ELDRITCH TALES. He writes a regular column on Mythos
artists for NIGHTSCAPES. His webzine,CHUCK'S BARGAIN BASEMENT is at
http://www.pgweb.com/chucks


All Things Dark and Dangerous is Copyright ©  2000 by Corey Whitworth
The above limericks are Copyright  © 1998 G. W. Thomas